


we got you

by YAMAGUWUCHI



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Light Angst, Lowercase, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, OCD, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, jisung has ocd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23291113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YAMAGUWUCHI/pseuds/YAMAGUWUCHI
Summary: in which the members help jisung cope with his bad day.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han, Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin, Han Jisung | Han/Everyone, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Kim Seungmin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin, Han Jisung | Han/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 18
Kudos: 408
Collections: obsessions and compulsions





	we got you

**Author's Note:**

> hey! so, this is honestly mostly 3racha.. sorry, but i hope you enjoy regardless.

jisung, in every sense of the word, was tired. 

it was understandable, because being an idol was hard work. the group woke early almost every day and had schedules until late at night. 

so yeah, jisung was tired, but so were the other members. he thought he was being selfish, thinking he deserved to stay in bed just a little bit later, have a day off, because everyone else deserved those things too. 

but should he really have been participating in schedules when he couldn't even think straight? when he was left mulling over the fact that the stove could have been left on and their apartment burned down, because he was too scared to ask to go back and check? 

everyone in the group knew that he struggled, and they reassured him with gentle words and soft touches, but he was so afraid of being annoying. he should have been able to let loose, live in the moment with everyone else, but instead he would be worrying about inconveniences. 

he was more sensitive on his off days, days where every thing that touched him made his skin crawl, where he would stress over the littlest of things, where he would be too afraid to leave the house in the case of something so very unrealistic happening. 

the smallest of things would make tears prick his eyes, every bit of criticism or sarcastic comment. he seemed to always will the tears away, but he was still left a bit hurt. 

the group had began to decipher his behavior depending on the day, and sometimes management would give him the luxury of taking a mental health day. which, really, it wasn't a luxury when he'd be left alone with his thoughts, wondering if the group members were alright and didn't die somewhere. 

now, after waking up and deciding that it definitely wasn't going to be a good day, he sat hunched over the table. their schedule wasn't totally packed, which left them with a little more time to get ready. 

jisung was in the middle of moving his phone between hands, not knowing how many times he did it, when chan came out and started a conversation. that was one thing jisung didn't have to do, count. yes, he preferred odd numbers, but he'd do things just until it felt right, not by counting. 

"alright, jisung-ah?" chan asked, walking behind him and leaving a delicate kiss in the middle of his head. 

that was another thing, he liked to feel balanced. if one side of his body hit the side of a desk, then he'd have to turn around and hit the same spot on the other side of his body. it was monotonous, but it was better than thinking about it the whole day. 

"no," jisung answered, turning around on the stool and facing chan. "it's bad. 8 out of 10." 

chan hummed, a sad expression overtaking his face, "anything i can help with?" 

jisung smiled, and chan couldn't help but to return it, "make me breakfast?" 

he set to work, clanking pots and dishes that would surely wake the others up. 

jisung finally sat his phone down, resulting in him twiddling his fingers. 

changbin walked out next, clad in sweats and messy hair. he gave chan a kiss on the cheek and turned to jisung, wondering if he could do the same. 

jisung sent him a sad smile, shaking his head. 

"you know you don't have to go to schedules today, right?" changbin asked, "i don't think you should." 

chan hummed in agreement, which almost made jisung unnecessarily angry. he was the leader. he shouldn't let the members slack off. 

"i know what you're going to say," seungmin interrupted his thought process, settling down in the chair across from him. his eyes were puffy from sleep, voice still rough. "but you shouldn't go if you can't focus." 

jisung almost whined, but he knew they were right, but he hated being the person left out of so many things. 

"it's not fair," he answered quietly, "how i'm always getting days off when you all still have to work." 

"jisungie," chan sighed, but the younger interrupted. 

"innie can still balance his school work on top of being an idol, and i can't even-" he cut himself off, looking down at his still fiddling fingers with tears in his eyes. he didn't want to cry right now. 

"jisungie," chan said again, more firm this time, "you don't get to make your problems seem unimportant when it's something that makes you struggle throughout the day. jyp knew about this since you first joined, but he still knew how great of an asset you are to everyone. even if you're a bit behind on the dances, you still help create all the songs we do the dancing to, okay?" 

they've had this conversation multiple times, and each time jisung would believe every word he said. still, being the guy left behind hurt. 

seungmin hummed in agreement, "channie's right. it's perfectly fine for you to take days off, and even innie could too if he wasn't so stubborn." 

jisung nodded his head, then did so once more, "sorry, hyungs." 

changbin gave him a smile, despite jisung's head still facing down, "no need to apologize." 

\- 

jisung did stay home that day, and to his surprise, jeongin did aswell. he claimed he was catching up on school work, but jisung had a feeling that chan or changbin spoke to him. 

either way, he kept him relatively distracted while they sat together in the living room. his presence alone made jisung feel relatively less guilty. jeongin was doing school work, and jisung was watching some drama that was playing on the tv. he easily picked up on the plot, and it managed to distract him for atleast a little while. 

he never liked lounging around when the others had to work, though, so he stood up and figured he could do some laundry that was laying around his floor. he was never a neat and prim person, which always made people believe he was faking the whole ocd thing. how the stereotype became a thing, he didn't know. 

it took him enough time of picking his clothes up from the floor and throwing them in the hamper, because there was so many, and he had to run each piece of clothing over his hands until feeling right. 

they eventually got into the washing machine, and he decided to spend some time working on a few songs. 

he grabbed his laptop and notebook from his desk, trying to ignore the way the two objects were unevenly balanced between his hands. he went to the living room, not bothering to scold jeongin for abandoning his work in order to watch the show jisung was. 

producing and writing were one of the only things that could get his mind away from the thoughts that just kept on chewing. it's why the bags under his eyes were so prominent, because he would spend most of his free time working until early hours of the morning. he was almost worse than chan. 

he barely noticed when a few members came home, their schedules different from the others. he only stopped, briefly, when seungmin waved a hand in front of his face and told him that he moved his clothes to the dryer. 

\- 

jisung threw his clothes onto the bed, still warm from the dryer, took one look at the pile and tears instantly pricked at his eyes. the loom of repeatedly unfolding and refolding clothes, putting them in the drawer and back out rammed itself into his mind. 

his vision was blurry, the clothes just a colorful, nameless shape. he moved to sit, hands coming over his eyes, once, twice, repeatedly until it felt right. 

he couldn't believe he was crying over folding clothes, like some snobby child who had to do it as a chore. 

he heard the door click over his quiet sniffles, ragged breathing, which only brought more tears. he didn't want anyone to worry about him now, not when it was about clothes. 

"sungie?" minho spoke softly, like he always did when jisung wasn't feeling great. "what's up?" 

he knelt down in front of him, careful not to touch him. jisung uncovered his face, forced himself not to do it over again. 

"i-" jisung stuttered, knew he couldn't lie to any of the members. "i can't do it." 

of course minho knew exactly what he was talking about, glancing over at the pile on the bed briefly before looking back at jisung. 

"okay," minho said, "how about you go rest in my bed, and i'll take care of them. are you okay with that?" 

jisung had always liked how minho smelled, even if it sounded odd, but it calmed him down. 

"i don't want you doing my laundry," jisung mumbled, head bowing in shame. he was pathetic, wasn't he? not even able to do his own chores. 

"it's perfectly fine, darling. you know i don't mind," minho smiled gently, reassuringly. "maybe you can ask someone to join you? if you're up for it." 

jisung pretended to think it over, but he knew minho would get his way regardless. he stood up, muttered a 'thank you' to minho, before stepping around him and leaving the room. 

he bypassed minho's room, hoping that he would find someone to keep him company. he had trouble touching the members when it was a bad day, because of the unevenness of it all, how every touch seemed to brand into his skin and mind until he touched the other side of himself to soothe the burn. 

he wanted to get past this, have someone distract him. 

he found felix in the kitchen, swirling his chopsticks in his bowl of broth that previously had noodles, scrolling through his phone. 

"lixie?" he asked, voice smaller than intended. 

the younger looked up, warm smile spreading onto his face instantly. "hey, jisungie. what's up?" 

"um," jisung said, nervous because of all the things that could happen. he worried felix would say no, which honestly, would never happen. but what about touching him? what if felix couldn't distract him enough? 

"you don't have to tell me," felix said, moving to rinse his dish out in the sink, "i won't push." 

jisung felt even more guilty, now, because he should be able to ask his members simple questions, be able to touch without them worrying about it. 

"can you lay with me? in minho's bed?" jisung asked hesitantly, mind still running with the worst. "if you don't wanna-" 

"of course i will," felix smiled again, but it faltered, "are you sure, though? i know you're not feeling well." 

"just wanna distraction," jisung answered, "please." 

"of course," felix answered. 

he lead them to minho's room, not bothering to question why it had to be his bed. he laid down first, pushing hinself against the wall to leave enough room for jisung that allowed no skin contact. 

jisung gently laid down, pushing away thoughts of having to readjust. he knew he couldn't hug felix, couldn't wrap his arm around him, but he wanted to so badly, wanted to feel his warmth, his soft skin. 

he made a bold move, "can you hold my hand?" 

felix, despite his worry of making jisung feel worse, obliged. he grinned, laying the back of his hand against the bed and let jisung make the first move. 

he did, and he could no longer find it in himself to resist the compulsions of having to move. felix didn't mind, though, no one ever did, but he still felt like a nuisance every time. 

he finally settled, closing his eyes in contentment. he fell asleep listening to felix humming softly, warmth settled into his chest. 

\- 

jisung was woken up by someone calling his name. he squinted when he opened his eyes, the bedroom light turned on. 

"jisungie," hyunjin said loudly, because he didn't want to shake him awake. 

jisung hummed in questioning, burrowing further under the blankets and missing the warmth from beside him. how did felix even get out? 

"dinner's ready, love," hyunjin lowered his voice. "it's alright if you wanna stay sleeping. i'll have chan hyung save some for you." 

jisung wanted to continue laying in bed, but he hadn't seen the members all day, and after worrying excessively about their wellbeing, he had to get up. 

"how are you?" hyunjin asked sweetly after jisung threw the covers away from him and squinted up at hyunjin. 

"could be better," jisung mumbled, still hazy from his nap. "6 out of 10 on the day scale." 

hyunjin smiled, "that's less than before. do you want me to wait for you?" 

jisung shook his head, "it's all right, jinnie. you go make me a plate, hm?" he gave him a smile. 

"'course, love." 

jisung could never comprehend how quickly hyunjin came to understand what jisung had gone through. before, when the two were fighting unnecessarily, almost constantly, hyunjin never bothered to listen to jisung's needs. therefore causing more breakdowns from the younger. 

chan had talked some sense into hyunjin. one too many breakdowns in the 3racha studio was enough to leave a crying jisung with changbin and fume back home. he had yelled, quite a bit, which probably wasn't very leader like, but hyunjin got the message. 

well, it caused him to cry from guilt and beg jisung for forgiveness. 

now, he was gentler than anyone else in the house, because he never wanted to be the cause of jisung crying ever again, and chan was scary when angry. 

jisung always washed his hands extra carefully before eating. his hands were always dry, more so today after he touched his dirty clothes, which were laying on his dirty floor, which was covered in a disgusting film of germs. 

"sungie," a voice interrupted him drying his hands, and he looked at the mirror to see chan wearing a soft smile. "i heard you're at 6." 

jisung hummed, "bet it'll be lower after i eat." 

he placed the towel back on the rack, once, twice, a few more times, before facing the elder. 

"jeongin-ah said you didn't eat lunch," chan said, tilting his head, "i made extra just for you." 

jisung smiled, maybe the biggest one today, "you didn't have to do that." 

chan returned the gesture, "i know, but you gotta eat." 

the two walked to their little dining room. it wasn't really a dining room, as half the table was in the kitchen, but they called it that nonetheless. 

"hey, jisungie," changbin said after jisung sat across from him, their same seats from that morning. "innie said you worked on some songs today." 

"yeah," jisung said. he noticed that his plate was bigger than everyone else's. "i can show you and chan hyung later, if you want." 

"we'll listen," chan spoke up a few seats down, and changbin nodded in agreement. 

dinner was a bit more fast paced. he was hungry, so his thoughts were more focused on that than choosing the right piece of food to pick up first. 

afterwards, he was excluded from the rock, papers, scissors match to decide who would do the dishes. though he felt guilty about it, he couldn't help but chuckle when hyunjin shouted in defeat. 

"wanna show us those songs now, sungie?" changbin asked, standing up from his chair. 

"yeah, is it alright if we go to the studio?" he asked with a cute tone tinging his words. the studio helped ease his mind just a bit furthur. 

"of course," chan answered, "i'll grab your things from your room." 

they walked to the company building, as it was close and there was still drips of the sun in the sky. jisung was a bit ahead of the two elders, because he was still feeling a bit off, and he didn't want to accidentally bump into them. 

sometimes he hated how he couldn't be affectionate with the members, touch them whenever he wanted. he still hadn't learned how to deal with it completely, because he craved affection. he wondered if he would ever learn to deal with it. 

chan opened the door for them, not allowing jisung to touch anything that would have him wanting to itch his skin and run off to the bathroom to wash his hands. 

the studio was his safe haven, and he easily relaxed in his chair once he got there. he took his notebook from chan's bag, opening it to what he was writing and handing it to changbin. 

he never even felt the need to shift it between both hands; the other two in the room noticed it. 

time wasn't a thing in the studio. they could be there for hours when it'd feel like minutes. the longer they were there, the easier it became for jisung to relax. 

they went over his lyrics, making corrections and adding in snippets when necessary. they moved onto their own things after that, writing, working on piecing unfinished songs together. 

jisung began to get side tracked, though, because he hadn't been touched all day, besides the delicate kiss from chan that morning. 

"channie, binnie," he said after a bit of just staring at his computer. the two lifted their heads from their notebooks, "can i have a hug, please." 

"oh," chan smiled widely, forgetting whatever he was writing and standing up. the two others followed and fell into a tight embrace. "you scared me for a second there, sungie." 

"sorry," jisung murmured into changbin's shoulder. 

he felt like crying. his chest constricted, tears filled his eyes. sometimes it just got too much to handle, holding back his emotions from the world. sometimes he needed to breakdown to feel better, and even though he wasn't in the worst condition at that moment, sobs still slipped out of his mouth. 

they maneuvered over to the couch, jisung curled on top of chan's lap, changbin running his hand through his hair and mumbling sweet, little things. they never failed to calm him down, and he would be forever greatful for that. 

they sat there for a while, chan's shirt collecting stray tears as jisung calmed down. they never stopped rubbing his skin or whispering, even after he quit sobbing. 

"we got you," chan mumbled, "we always have you." 

jisung sat up, bracing his hands on chan's shoulders. his face was splotchy, and he wiped any remaining tears and snot with his sleeve. 

"thank you," he whispered, tilting his head furthur into changbin's hand. "you'll always have me, too, you know? when one of you need a shoulder to cry on." 

"we know, jisungie, and you're welcome," changbin answered in a hushed, comforting tone. 

"how're you feeling?" chan asked. 

"better if i got kisses," jisung pouted, and how could the two refuse? 

he was kissed all over the face, his neck, little pecks that made a lovely smile grow on his lips. 

"ready to go home?" chan questioned after sharing quite a deep kiss with jisung. "we can give you cuddles, hm?" 

"yeah," jisung leant away from changbin's mouth, "let's go home." 

jisung was suprised to find his side of the room tidied up when they walked through the door, and he knew seungmin had to have done it. 

he was never that well with words, but he showed his affection in the little things he'd do, especially for jisung. 

seungmin was laying on his own bed, looking up briefly from his phone at the three. 

he showed his own surprise when jisung walked over to him and kissed him on both of his cheeks, "thank you, minnie." 

seungmin didn't reply, but his small blush was answer enough. 

jisung's heart soared around all of his members, and he wouldn't want it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> i appreciate kudos and comments, which is what keep me motivated! if you enjoyed, please feel free to leave them. also, point out any mistakes you may have noticed, because this isn't beta read. thank you :)


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